Remains Of Burned Down Churches To Be Buried In Unmarked Graves, Forgotten About For A Long Time
The strategy of forgetting about national tragedies by burying it deep beneath Canadian soil has reached towards the recent string of...
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Canada Reflects On The Long Arduous, Difficult, Bloody, Genocidal, WTF, Road That Got Us All Here
As Canadians settle down for a national day of reflection and new found guilt, a few took the time to describe their feelings about the...
Shortage Of Robes For Newly Ordained Priests Forces Catholic Church To Recycle Their Old KKK Hoods
“We figured that they are similar enough in style and intent that we would just reuse the old robes,” said Pope Francis in a new order...
Canadian News Editors Vow To Make Indigenous Journalism More Profitable For Their Businesses
Responding to the lack of Indigenous journalists in the newsroom, Stanley Smith released a bold plan to increase profits by hiring more...
Why It Matters That John A. Macdonald Never Tweeted His Support For Bill C-15
A pack of social justice warriors took to Twitter to express their frustration that the late Prime Minister never signalled his support...
Indigenous People Post Canada On Kijiji In Bid To Buy Country Back
After posting Canada for sale on Kijiji, Indigenous people sat back and waited for all the offers to come piling in. "It's the nuclear...
"All Lives Matter" Yells Man On His Third Marriage
While getting on his soapbox at an All Lives Matter rally, local man Gary Beckert expressed his unshakable belief that everyone should...
Reconciliation In Canada To Be Featured In New “Unsolved Mysteries” Episode
After mysteriously leaving the hearts and minds of Canadians just as easily as it entered, reconciliation with Indigenous people will be...
RCMP Commissioner Vows To Complete Their Mission Of Fully Displacing Indigenous People
Responding to criticisms that the RCMP is not doing enough to stop the ongoing violence against Mi'qmaq fisheries in Nova Scotia, RCMP...
Attack On Mi'kmaq Fishery Sparks National Debate On Whether Lobsters Scream Before Being Boiled
Watching in wonder at the fiery scene unfolding before them, citizens across the nation pondered if those lobsters screamed before they...
This Asshole Built A Railroad, Now We All Have To Work A 9 to 5
Expressing incredible grief and frustration at the thought of spending the best years of his life taking orders from overly-happy...
RCMP Relieved The Racism Spotlight Is Taken Off Them For Once
Breathing a deep sigh of relief as her flock of constables did the same, RCMP Commissioner Brenda Lucki considered herself blesse that...
Sask. School Forced To Shut Down After Reconciliation Outbreak
Saskatoon - Attempting to mitigate the damage done by a few rogue students bent on giving their land back to Indigenous people, Principal...
Desperate To Oppress Covid-19 With Government Resources, Canada Offers To Sign A Treaty With It
Rejoicing at the idea of bringing back the oldest Canadian trick in the book, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced a new plan of...
RCMP Announce Shooter's True Motives Will Be Revealed During His Inevitable Special On Netflix
After hearing news about the mass shooting that took place in Nova Scotia, RCMP Commissioner Brenda Lucki and Netflix Chief Content...
Canada's Grandma Assures Public She Is Still Absolutely Useless In Times Like These
After addressing the entire world in a heartfelt and warming message of hope, Queen Elizabeth II assured everyone that the Royal Family...
Indigenous People Mostly Upset That Covid-19 Didn't Even Do A Land Acknowledgement
After hearing word that the Coronavirus entered Indigenous territory without conducting the proper protocols, Assembly of First Nations...
Nation Misses Days When The Only Thing Disrupting Economy Was Rail Blockades
After a record number of people applied for Employment Insurance in Canada, citizens took time to reminisce on the days when times were...
Quarantined Racist's Computer Breaks Down, Forcing Him To Speak With Colored Person In Tech Support
After experiencing what can only be described as the "bane of the white man", local racist Bruce Johnson threw a keyboard across his...
Minister of Transportation Announces That All Canadian Geese Have Made It Home Safe And Sound
Canada rejoiced at the news that the last goose has made it home after being summoned home early from their winter vacation. "We really...
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