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Desperate To Oppress Covid-19 With Government Resources, Canada Offers To Sign A Treaty With It

Rejoicing at the idea of bringing back the oldest Canadian trick in the book, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced a new plan of attack against the "invisible enemy" today.

"If the goal is to eliminate something in our path, then why not sign a treaty with it?" offered a giddy Trudeau as his Indigenous Affairs Minister dusted off some old and unsigned treaties. "We will promise it a life full of bounty and benevolence, and then we just won't deliver. Let it die out naturally, or until it eventually turns on one another. In fact, here we have a bunch of unsigned treaties that we can coerce the virus into signing. What can possibly go wrong?"

Sources confirmed that if the plan backfires, Canada has a contingency plan to send the virus to a Residential School because assimilation usually solves everything.

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