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Rejoicing at the idea of bringing back the oldest Canadian trick in the book, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced a new plan of attack against the "invisible enemy" today.
"If the goal is to eliminate something in our path, then why not sign a treaty with it?" offered a giddy Trudeau as his Indigenous Affairs Minister dusted off some old and unsigned treaties. "We will promise it a life full of bounty and benevolence, and then we just won't deliver. Let it die out naturally, or until it eventually turns on one another. In fact, here we have a bunch of unsigned treaties that we can coerce the virus into signing. What can possibly go wrong?"
Sources confirmed that if the plan backfires, Canada has a contingency plan to send the virus to a Residential School because assimilation usually solves everything.
I suppose that might work, but here's a sure fire method to eliminate the virus: just declare it to be at risk and put it under the protection of the Department Of Fisheries And Oceans. It will be extinct faster than you can say "What the hell happened to all the cod and salmon?"