Desperate To Oppress Covid-19 With Government Resources, Canada Offers To Sign A Treaty With ItRejoicing at the idea of bringing back the oldest Canadian trick in the book, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced a new plan of attack against the "invis...
RCMP Announce Shooter's True Motives Will Be Revealed During His Inevitable Special On NetflixAfter hearing news about the mass shooting that took place in Nova Scotia, RCMP Commissioner Brenda Lucki and Netflix Chief Content Officer Ted Sarandos swif...
Canada's Grandma Assures Public She Is Still Absolutely Useless In Times Like TheseAfter addressing the entire world in a heartfelt and warming message of hope, Queen Elizabeth II assured everyone that the Royal Family will do everything in...
Indigenous People Mostly Upset That Covid-19 Didn't Even Do A Land AcknowledgementAfter hearing word that the Coronavirus entered Indigenous territory without conducting the proper protocols, Assembly of First Nations Chief Perry Bellegard...
Nation Misses Days When The Only Thing Disrupting Economy Was Rail BlockadesAfter a record number of people applied for Employment Insurance in Canada, citizens took time to reminisce on the days when times were simpler. "I really wi...
Quarantined Racist's Computer Breaks Down, Forcing Him To Speak With Colored Person In Tech SupportAfter experiencing what can only be described as the "bane of the white man", local racist Bruce Johnson threw a keyboard across his mom's basement while sho...
Minister of Transportation Announces That All Canadian Geese Have Made It Home Safe And SoundCanada rejoiced at the news that the last goose has made it home after being summoned home early from their winter vacation. "We really reached across the ai...
China Admits It's All An Elaborate Ploy To Give Indigenous People Their Land BackAfter finally tapering off the deadly Covid-19 virus in their country, China's government announced their true intentions behind unleashing the dangerous pla...
As Canada Quarantines, Bison Appear On The Plains As Indigenous People Roam Freely Once AgainAs the nation retreats into their own quarters to heal from a hideous plague that has swept throughout the entire world, a familiar group of people has retak...
Seasoned Indigenous Communities Summoned To Assist With Nation's First State Of EmergencyAfter nearly every province declared state of emergencies, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau called on Canada's seasoned professionals when it comes to communiti...
2019: The Year Nothing Bad Happened To Indigenous PeopleThe distant drums of reconciliation finally made their way into the hearts of Canadians as the 2019 curtain draws to a close. Across the nation, a large numb...
Scheer Disappointed That 50% Of Indigenous Children Live In Poverty, Says We Can Go HigherBoasting about his political party's non-approach to Indigenous issues, Andrew Scheer made a promise that they would raise the percentage of Indigenous peopl...
White Nationalists Mistakenly Endorse Indigenous Suffrage Because They Can't Fucking ReadExtolling the virtues of white nationalism and sacrificing oneself for a country they never built, a 300 lb diabetic meatbag announced that they were the sup...
Report: Just End It AlreadyAn exasperated nation reported that they would rather just stay the fuck at home on election day. When pressed on which candidate has impressed them the most...
Man Who Grew Up In Mansion Knows What's Best For These KidsOTTAWA - Reflecting on the incredibly difficult road that brought him there, a privileged white male discussed his plans to deal with Indigenous children tak...
Scheer Lays In Bed Dreaming About A Sexier, More Oppressive Indian ActDazed by his party's surge in the polls, Conservative leader Andrew Scheer spent the morning dreaming about what he would do as Prime Minister. "The lord wor...
Indigenous People Gather For The Ceremonial Choice Between A Ball Gag, Butt Plug, Or DildoDescending upon election season with a grimace on their face, Canada's Indigenous people will decide exactly how they want to be fucked.
RCMP Wishes For Simpler Times Like When They Could Just Give Up While Searching For Indigenous WomenExhausted by the anguish of conducting a nation-wide search for the two “kind and considerate” murder suspects,
Trudeau Shows Trump How To Treat Marginalized Children By Depriving Them Of Clean Drinking WaterOTTAWA — Triumphantly calling his latest policy of not doing much to battle the water crisis in Attawapiskat the greatest move he has ever done, Prime Minist...
