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Attack On Mi'kmaq Fishery Sparks National Debate On Whether Lobsters Scream Before Being Boiled

Watching in wonder at the fiery scene unfolding before them, citizens across the nation pondered if those lobsters screamed before they m...

This Asshole Built A Railroad, Now We All Have To Work A 9 to 5

Expressing incredible grief and frustration at the thought of spending the best years of his life taking orders from overly-happy custome...

RCMP Relieved The Racism Spotlight Is Taken Off Them For Once

Breathing a deep sigh of relief as her flock of constables did the same, RCMP Commissioner Brenda Lucki considered herself blesse that th...

Sask. School Forced To Shut Down After Reconciliation Outbreak

Saskatoon - Attempting to mitigate the damage done by a few rogue students bent on giving their land back to Indigenous people, Principal...

Desperate To Oppress Covid-19 With Government Resources, Canada Offers To Sign A Treaty With It

Rejoicing at the idea of bringing back the oldest Canadian trick in the book, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced a new plan of attac...

RCMP Announce Shooter's True Motives Will Be Revealed During His Inevitable Special On Netflix

After hearing news about the mass shooting that took place in Nova Scotia, RCMP Commissioner Brenda Lucki and Netflix Chief Content Offic...

Canada's Grandma Assures Public She Is Still Absolutely Useless In Times Like These

After addressing the entire world in a heartfelt and warming message of hope, Queen Elizabeth II assured everyone that the Royal Family w...

Indigenous People Mostly Upset That Covid-19 Didn't Even Do A Land Acknowledgement

After hearing word that the Coronavirus entered Indigenous territory without conducting the proper protocols, Assembly of First Nations C...

Report: You Can Go Ahead And Throw Away That 2020 Planner

Nation Misses Days When The Only Thing Disrupting Economy Was Rail Blockades

After a record number of people applied for Employment Insurance in Canada, citizens took time to reminisce on the days when times were s...

Quarantined Racist's Computer Breaks Down, Forcing Him To Speak With Colored Person In Tech Support

After experiencing what can only be described as the "bane of the white man", local racist Bruce Johnson threw a keyboard across his mom'...

Minister of Transportation Announces That All Canadian Geese Have Made It Home Safe And Sound

Canada rejoiced at the news that the last goose has made it home after being summoned home early from their winter vacation. "We really r...

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