RCMP Vow To Gain More Views On Their Standoff Videos Than The MAGA Hat Kid
OTTAWA — Marshalling the resources required to create a viral video, RCMP Commissioner Brenda Lucki promised Canadian citizens that their...
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White Friend Now An Expert On Race Relations After Watching A Few YouTube Videos
A local friend who works as a sandwich artist had some wise words for an Indigenous college student while both were out enjoying a few...
Website Promises To Help Indigenous Couples Find Out If They're Cousins, Will Be Called Incestry.com
Still reeling from their first date, Misty Littlefoot had an ominous feeling about the man she had just met. “I thought to myself this...
Indigenous People Will Call Reconciliation “The Clit” Due To Privileged Males Inability To Find It
After a series of unfortunate events leading up to the name change, a group of Indigenous leaders announced a new strategy on their path...
Trudeau Dusts Off And Appoints John A. Macdonald Statue To Minister Of Indigenous Services
OTTAWA — After brushing off the dust and debris from the old statue, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau wiped a tear off his cheek and...
Justin Trudeau Stands Up To Saudi Arabia By Showing Them How To Properly Suppress Human Rights
OTTAWA — Outlining that no one knows better than Canada on extinguishing human rights, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addressed the media...
Live Action Remake Of Pocahontas A Chance For Disney To Accurately Portray Harmful Stereotypes In HD
After toasting other Disney executives atop their ivory castle, Chief Executive Officer Robert Iger announced plans for a reboot of the...
News Reporter Interviews Deer In Vain Attempt “To Connect With The Local Indians”
After discussing the intricacies of bark biting and insurance fraud, CBC news reporter Tanner Smith looked over to Indigenous onlookers...
Teen With Raging Insecurities About His Race Looks Forward To Joining The RCMP One Day
Preparing himself to take on the mantle of a public servant, Wyatt Hudson revealed his true intentions by wanting to become an RCMP...
Hollywood Approves Indigenous Remake Of “Fast & Furious” Movie, Will Be Called "Swift & Ever Sick"
LOS ANGELES — In a racial victory for Indigenous people everywhere, Universal Pictures approved a landmark deal that will see the highly...
Reserve Says “Fuck It”, Sells Land To Nestle In Exchange For Clean Water
ONTARIO — Frustrated by the red tape of supplying basic human needs by the Canadian government, a northern reserve in Ontario has struck...
Indigenous Veteran Settled In Post-War Europe After Realizing Conditions Were Better Than Living In
LONDON — Astounded at the level of freedoms his white cousins across the pond were enjoying, Gary Littlefoot decided to dissolve his...
Treaty Gathering Held Up By Scott Moe Playing His Version Of “Wonderwall” As A Tribute T
REGINA — After clearing his throat and tuning his guitar, Sask. Premier Scott Moe announced that he will be singing a tribute to his...
Next Year’s Munk Debate Will Just Feature The Dalai Lama Breathing Along Side The Nation For 3
TORONTO — After a contentious few weeks, Aurea Foundation spokesperson Rudyard Griffiths announced a new change in direction for the...
Inuit Leaders Call Out Feds: “If We’re Paying $27 For A Carton Of Orange Juice, It Bette
NUNAVUT — Unmoved by the promises of the Liberal government, Inuit leaders called for a change to the Nutrition North program. “For...
Indigenous Woman’s “Rich White Girl” Identity Somehow Made Her Sexual Assault Case
VANCOUVER — Flipping her blonde hair to the side while walking to the Range Rover, Taylor Smith just finished submitting a police report...
This Year’s “Sexy Cherokee” Costume Comes With Full Experience Of Oppression And Disenfranchisement
EDMONTON — Crying to her herself while putting on the “Sexy Cherokee” outfit, white girl Callie Smith was looking forward to enjoying...
Humanity Issues Final Warning To Climate Scientists
Still feeling outraged by the recent threats from climate scientists, a group of angry citizens issued a 936-page report condemning the...
RCMP Vows To Find New Ways To Criminalize Indigenous People Now That Marijuana Will Be Legal
OTTAWA — Flanked by her senior staff members, RCMP Commissioner Brenda Lucki outlined the organization’s new strategy to combat the...
White Man Who Denies Residential School Legacy Is Actually Jealous Because He Never Went To School
SASKATCHEWAN — In the days following the news that a school exam in Alberta offered positive views on Residential Schools and a radio ad...
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