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RCMP Vows To Find New Ways To Criminalize Indigenous People Now That Marijuana Will Be Legal

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OTTAWA — Flanked by her senior staff members, RCMP Commissioner Brenda Lucki outlined the organization’s new strategy to combat the soon-to-be falling crime rate among Indigenous people.

“Never underestimate our ability to find new ways to discriminate,” said Lucki. “In the past, we have mishandled the portfolios on missing and murdered Indigenous women, carried Indigenous children off to Residential Schools, and pretty much everything we’re not supposed to do. We have a lot of experience in this aspect. Trust us to do our job, racist-ly.”

On October 17th, Canada will descend into the dark ages of falling crime rates, senseless use of medical marijuana, and a docile culture of people who are too lazy to go out and fight each other. The RCMP has taken a stand to find more ways to discriminate against minorities.

“Look, our prisons will be empty,” said RCMP Commissioner Brenda Lucki. “And if that happens, we will be out of a job. This nation needs to understand that the RCMP’s historical streak of racism will not end on October 17th. We will survive!”

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