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Breaking: God Resigns

VATICAN — After centuries of an institution known for sexually abusing children with no end in sight, reckless money laundering, and a consenting government unwilling to challenge the Catholic Church’s authority, God has finally tendered his resignation.

“I just can’t deal with these incompetent fucks anymore,” said a visibly disgruntled All Mighty. “What began as a passion project of mine, has turned into a cult of horny priests who have inflicted more damage than all of what I did in the Old Testament. I got to admit, it’s impressive really.”

The Catholic Church has remain unscathed for their crimes against humanity, making most people unsurprised that the Holy Trinity has decided to pack it in.

“I think we all seen this coming,” said the Lord. “I had my doubts about this after they truly believed in that Adam and Eve story. It was a story I told drunkenly one night. Jesus Christ. I’m done with this!”


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