Humanity Issues Final Warning To Climate Scientists
Still feeling outraged by the recent threats from climate scientists, a group of angry citizens issued a 936-page report condemning the...
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RCMP Vows To Find New Ways To Criminalize Indigenous People Now That Marijuana Will Be Legal
OTTAWA — Flanked by her senior staff members, RCMP Commissioner Brenda Lucki outlined the organization’s new strategy to combat the...
White Man Who Denies Residential School Legacy Is Actually Jealous Because He Never Went To School
SASKATCHEWAN — In the days following the news that a school exam in Alberta offered positive views on Residential Schools and a radio ad...
Third World Countries To Send Humanitarian Aid To Canada’s Indigenous Children
AFRICA – “When we saw the photos of children asking for new schools from their government, we thought it was taken in southeast Asia,”...
APTN’s ‘First Pumpkin Spice Latte’ Brings Indigenous People To White Girl Communities
TORONTO — A brand new TV series aims to break down the harmful stereotypes attributed to white women in the city by bringing Indigenous...
Historians Discover Shocking First Draft Of Treaties That Just Says “Psyche!”
WINNIPEG — Delivering the shocking discovery while flanked by a team of researchers, Prof. Dennis Coleman announced that history is not...
New Indigenous Student Looking Forward To Being Shown Off In The Campus Brochure
EDMONTON — Recognizing that his studies would not be complete until he is used as a recruitment tool, Thomas Redbear expressed excitement...
Canada Officially Declares Indigenous People As Endangered Species
OTTAWA — Recognizing that the current plight of its Indigenous people will lead to extinction, the Canadian government announced...
Breaking: God Resigns
VATICAN — After centuries of an institution known for sexually abusing children with no end in sight, reckless money laundering, and a...
Canada Proposes Year Long Holiday To Mark Legacy Of Historical Wrongs Against Indigenous People
OTTAWA — Acknowledging that they are going to need 365 days to commemorate every racist policy carried out by colonial ancestors, Prime...
Maxime Bernier Lays Out His Vision Of A Utopian Nation Filled With Uncultured Swine
OTTAWA — Standing on the steps of Parliament Hill, flanked by MPs from the Conservative Party of Canada, Maxime Bernier delivered a fiery...
Critics Warn That Removing John A. Macdonald Statue May Lead To Eradicating Racism Altogether
VICTORIA — Lamenting the fact that their esteemed leader will no longer be glorified for his crimes against Indigenous peoples, critics...
Climate Scientists Warn That The Future Is Sweaty And Moist
TORONTO — Acknowledging that presenting people with the facts just isn’t working anymore, climate scientists adopted a new tactic that...
Canada Finally Ready To Admit That Indigenous People Came Up With The Idea For Universal Healthcare
OTTAWA — Although the idea was not strong enough to ward off smallpox and tuberculosis, the intent of healthcare-for-all began as a...
Breaking: The Threat Of Murdering Indigenous People Comes With A Harsher Punishment Than Those Who A
MANITOBA — After purging themselves of bottled-up ignorance on a website that allows any morally bankrupt person to have a platform, two...
Breaking: New Study Confirms That A Tweet And A Themed Profile Picture Does Literally Next To Nothin
CALGARY — A team of researchers have released a report undermining the effects of typing into your little devices for the sake of a...
Indigenous Man Lost After New Vision Quest App Leads Him To Middle Of Lake
BRITISH COLUMBIA — After traversing the rough terrain of dense forests and a failed assent towards the peak of the Rockies, Richard...
The Word “Privilege” Shocked To Find It Has Been Weaponized Against Its Own Will
“During my youth, I was not used to divide and conquer,” said a visibly upset Mr. Privilege. “I never used to be a tool for the social...
Facebook To Introduce “Smoke Signals” Font To Assuage Pressure From Indigenous Groups
“Today, we are excited to announce a new way forward for Indigenous people,” said Mike Schroepfer, Chief Technology Officer at Facebook....
Indigenous Child Living In Poverty Looking Forward To Being Displayed In A Museum One Day
TORONTO— “It may not look like much now, but it will be when they are on display behind tempered glass and educational plaques,” said...
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