After waking up at 9:30 am, calmly taking a deep breath in his mother’s basement, and checking his social media feed, Tanner Hill took to Facebook to express his love for a country he has literally done nothing for.
“It makes me feel part of something I had nothing to do with,” said Tanner. “A few taps on the keyboard transforms me into whoever I want to be. Today, I will probably say that my forefathers fought for this country, which they didn’t, but on the internet… anything goes.”
Sources confirmed that Tanner has since made his way upstairs to project all his insecurities on his mother and father by yelling about immigrants and social welfare programs.