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Scheer Lays In Bed Dreaming About A Sexier, More Oppressive Indian Act

Dazed by his party's surge in the polls, Conservative leader Andrew Scheer spent the morning dreaming about what he would do as Prime Minister.

"The lord works in mysterious ways," said Scheer. "Sometimes that involves your opponent being more racist that you are. This is the golden opportunity our nation has been waiting for, when a young rider on a white horse swoops in and further disenfranchises a historically marginalized group of people."

Tory insiders report that Andrew Scheer loves the Indian Act so much, he would love to marry it. But he would most likely break that marriage, because marriage is between a man and a woman.

"This will be my chance to finish what Harper couldn't," said Scheer while maniacally laughing into his musty bedroom atmosphere.


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