Report: Just End It Already


An exasperated nation reported that they would rather just stay the fuck at home on election day. When pressed on which candidate has impressed them the most, a young citizen put down her purse, lit up a cigarette, and proceeded to walk off the side of a bridge.


"For fuck sakes, just end it already," said an exhausted senior citizen. "I have seen better candidates in literally every fucking election until now, and I lived through the war in germany. Come to think of it, Maxime Bernier reminds me of a politician in those times."


The federal leaders have been on the campaign trail for just over two weeks, and eligible voters have been reporting painful headaches and excessive diarrhea as a result of the garbage presented before them.


"My shit has never stank so bad," said an Indigenous voter. "But not as bad as the trash we see on the TV. If our money was based on the false promises of these worthless politicians, we would have enough money for our grandchildren to wear gold diapers."


Sources confirmed that some desperate Canadian citizens are putting themselves up for adoption from third world countries in order to avoid the train wreck of an election this has been so far.

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