2019: The Year Nothing Bad Happened To Indigenous People

The distant drums of reconciliation finally made their way into the hearts of Canadians as the 2019 curtain draws to a close. Across the nation, a large number of Indigenous people celebrated a year in which no bad news broke their stride.

"What a decade this year has been," said Arthur Littlefoot. "Looking back I am proud at the journey where nothing bad ever happened. We learned that drumming isn't allowed in public, that the Prime Minister cherishes jobs so much he made another one available in his cabinet, suicides and water advisories are at an all-time low, and that our tipis will now have pipelines installed in them. Times are great!"

Sources close to Indigenous people report that they are concerned about the white community since news broke that Taylor Swift lost ownership of her music, iPhones are getting too expensive, Notre Dame burnt down, Trump is still president, priests are still horny, and Epstein didn't kill himself.