Regarding themselves with much pride in the work they have contributed to diminishing social inequality in Indigenous communities, the Canadian government announced that their new relief baskets will end all of life’s problems. “We are excited to see just how these relief baskets will change the lives of Indigenous people,” said Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. “After many decades of inaction by the government, we have finally found a cure in the form of thoughts and prayers. W

In a groundbreaking study conducted by Canada’s leading health experts, researchers concluded that Indigenous people have been intermittent fasting for well over a century, they just used a different word for it. “Our findings suggest that Indigenous people began this diet sometime after colonialists starting sneezing all over the place,” said Tim Sullivan, Linguist Professor at Carlton University. “They began it well before the stay-at-home moms, bored gym bros, and sexually

TORONTO— “It may not look like much now, but it will be when they are on display behind tempered glass and educational plaques,” said Fletcher Williams who is an art curator at the Royal Ontario Museum. “We’re thinking a few candid photos of the children hungrily staring into the distance will draw a crowd to our Human Rights exhibit, or lack thereof.” Canada has been churning out exhibits like these for many years due to the 60% rate of children living in poverty on reserves