OTTAWA — In a fiery speech to the House of Commons, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced that his government will begin a program to relocate all non-Indigenous children from their homes to new institutions called “Reconciliation Schools”. “The time to reconcile with Indigenous people is now!” Trudeau burst out in an evangelical tone. “We must help them break free from the bondage of colonialism. The only way is to indoctrinate our white children with the gospel of reconci

SASKATCHEWAN — In the days following the news that a school exam in Alberta offered positive views on Residential Schools and a radio ad in Saskatchewan denied any wrong-doing made by the education program, a local farmer stepped forward to reveal his true feelings on the matter. “I only made it grade 3,” said Herbert Watershed. “Heck, I would have loved to make it grade 5… er, I mean 4, but I was not smart enough to impress the teacher. It would sure be nice to actually unde

EDMONTON — Recognizing that his studies would not be complete until he is used as a recruitment tool, Thomas Redbear expressed excitement over the inevitable fame that is bestowed upon every Indigenous student on campus. “It really shows that the university has done its homework,” said Redbear as he laughed to himself. “For them to look like they actually give a shit, they need people like us to grace the covers of their campus literature. ” In a vain attempt to highlight how

MANITOBA — In a breaking-new approach to education on-reserves, Little Foot First Nation has opened their doors to students hoping for a better way of life. “When they walk through the front doors, we just want them to feel the future,” said an enthusiastic Chief Roger Locklear. “In addition to introducing an entertainment-based curriculum, we have designed the school to resemble the look and impression of a casino atmosphere.” The small community of 600 people voted overwhel